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[29 Dec 2005|03:45am] |
if only you could ever know.
i dream too much.
it wasnt for me. i keep holdin on. i dont know what to do again.
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[23 Dec 2005|04:42am] |
| [ |
music |
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Pepper: Tougues |
] |
i know this story about a boy who forgave a girl when he shouldnt have. shoulda run the fuck out after shit went down. had no fuckin business even communicating to her. but he didnt run. he let what happened be in the past. he figured he was taught *i give a chance, ill get one when i have it comin*. nope. got fuckin screwed.
you win some you lose some.
life 1
andrew 0
gay.
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[21 Dec 2005|11:56pm] |
life is suckin a little more than i thought it would for the holidays. im running out of dreams to chase.
i dont know what to do.
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[16 Dec 2005|03:27am] |
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im a fool.
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[14 Dec 2005|03:26am] |
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time to prove youve got some worth left andrew. here goes nothing.
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[13 Dec 2005|02:42am] |
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i saw a look i hadnt seen in a while.
but it wasnt for me.
ive completely lost it.
just the thoughts are endless pain.
people keep saying ill mend, but i feel like im bleeding to death.
i dont ever want to fall so deep again. im just not worth the trouble.
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[11 Dec 2005|08:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pepper: Tongues |
] |
ok. if anyone would like to be in a low budget slasher comedy, please let me know. and call me. messages on lj mean just about nothing. we need lots of victims and a few girls who wouldn't mind being nude for one specific scene. let me know soon because we have a production meeting within the week.
this film will offend every kind of person on the planet.
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| not a snowball's chance in hell |
[08 Dec 2005|09:23pm] |
| [ |
music |
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ATDI: One Armed Scissor |
] |
ya know what? fuck this. if i said everything i wanted to say right now, id never fucking here the end of it.
i fucking hate this. never again. i want to choke on my own puke tonight.
but how was your day.
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[08 Dec 2005|01:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
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shattered |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sublime: Don't Push |
] |
since i lack the spirit and heart to write something original, ill just quote the man.
but if i had a shotgun
you know what i'd do?
i'd point that shit straight at the sky
and shoot heaven on down for you
dont worry beautiful. i hate me too.
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[07 Dec 2005|07:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sublime: Gold dual disk set |
] |
Early man walked away as modern man took control
Their minds weren't all the same and to conquer was their goal
So he built his great empire and he slaughtered his own kind
He died a confused man and he killed himself with his own mind...
LET'S GO!!
We're only gonna die from our own arrogance
That's why we might as well take our time
no greater man than Bradley.
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[29 Nov 2005|10:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN: Hurt |
] |
its all a farse. i give up. i dont know what the fuck to do.
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[23 Nov 2005|06:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Stone Sour: Bother |
] |
you dont need to bother
i don need to be
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[22 Nov 2005|02:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Pepper: Boot |
] |
well its a good thing my mom is awesome. tonight was almost tragic.
i had a long day of work and all i got to do was think. of the past to be specific. dont dwell on it. youll end up like me.
to make it short, i was pretty sure i wanted nothing to do with the rest of my life. a lot of things make me feel that way. i was certain after a while i would end myself tonight. especially after more shit happened after work.
but
my mother and i talked.
i still feel... discontent, but i guess im just depressed. and im listenin to pepper and they are absolutely brilliant.
im dwelling on the other night as well. i shouldnt. it was... i dont know.
i could use a really good stress release.
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| Pepper is so fucking awesome. |
[18 Nov 2005|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pepper: Give It Up |
] |
It’s been a while since I’ve seen your face
Gotta say that I’m happy to see you come around my place
Now I think we’ve talked about it
And I think I know what’s coming up next
Let’s put our minds away and let our hormones do the rest
Does it seem obscene, does it seem like a bad thing?
Well if it is I’m sorry miss but you know I’m just 19
So don’t be afraid when my pants start to leak
You know damn well I'm in my sexual peak
Well…
Why won't you have some dirty hot sex with me?
It ain't like I’m asking you to give it up for free
Oh we can start it right now baby get on your knees
Don’t make me beg again girl I just said please, please
Yeah, now when you look down
Don’t be misled
I’ve found my life purpose and it’s getting upstairs into your bed
(oooooooh shit!)
So there’s a phone girl
Go right on ahead
I’m sure you’d rather be with your stupid boyfriend instead
Why you gotta sleep with my dad?
Why don’t you have some dirty hot sex with me?
It ain’t like I’m asking you to give it up for free
Oh we can start it right now baby get on your knees
Don’t make me beg again well girl I just said please
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Well baby get on your knees
Oh yeah, oh yeah
I’m beggin’ you darling please
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Well baby get on your knees
Oh yeah, oh yeah
I’m beggin’ you darling please, please
Please me
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
How many times will they do it
they're taking what's mine and they tell me that I blew it.
What can you do; who me? yes you.
When bitches get scandeless and full of voodoo.
Catching my breath
is the term I use when the world gives up on me.
Can you love or not?
The truth finds all of us eventually.
I don't mind
taking lives I find.
They all shine
in my pocket at night.
You wonder why you're always alone.
You never fit in; you never could find a home.
And I don't need to second guess why.
You're eaten by the anger and it makes it so hard to.
Love to love to love ya ooh yeah
pepper fucking rules all you negros.
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[16 Nov 2005|10:33pm] |
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catching my breath
is the term i use
when the world gives up on me
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[06 Nov 2005|04:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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numb |
] |
stretch out my soul
make it pure
your touch will purge
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[05 Nov 2005|01:33pm] |
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im tired. not just physically. dammit.
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| "Self-destruction. Now there's an idea..." |
[03 Nov 2005|01:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Failure: The Nurse |
] |
i did a lot of thinkin today. not usually good, but ive been disregarding whats good and bad lately for me. i thought about so much. lookin at the sky, watching the trees go by in the car, squinting to see the fullness of the clear sky with all the stars ive wished upon. its been a long time since i looked at my glass as half empty. i extinguished my own fire i had for life. i searched so long and so hard. and i found it. and it was exactly what i wanted, hoped, and dreamed. but i suppose as the cliche goes, all good things must come to an end. right now, thats how i feel. i feel like my soul was a great thing, and now its time has pasted because of what i have become. i dont even know what i have become. i feel unworthy of the beauty this world has shown me. i cant bare pain ive inflicted upon myself. everytime i made someone laugh, my heart grew a little. its grown a lot the past four years. but after this year, it has shriveled back to what it used to be, and i cant find a reason to be happy anymore. my heart grew so much, and finally i made it whole when i saved the last space for the one thing i was looking for and found it. somewhere along the way, the smile that made my heart whole, got lost. i wouldnt wish the pain i feel on my worst enemy. finally when im ready to make everything right, im not allowd to. even when i really want to let go, i cant.
forgive me god. but i want to take it. i want to take it so bad.
suppose its a good thing im going to see a doctor in a few days. thats all i feel like i have.
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[01 Nov 2005|11:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blank |
] |
its all or nothing.
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| screw you |
[01 Nov 2005|05:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
well. last night was. and now. i dont know. im going to get help because last night was rediculous and not the kind i like. fuck. you know what my problem is? my life has been a little too easy. the one thing i worked so hard for, i mean really worked for is gone. and i dont know what to do.
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